Full Moon issue #5
Hello wonderful people,
I hope this Full Moon finds you feeling supported and cared for and, if not, that you can take a moment to connect to the ground beneath you and the sky above you, and breathe. We’re not alone, we’re part of an ecosystem, and if we forget, the simple act of breathing can remind us of this simple fact. Lately, I have been thinking about what I want to nurture during this time, both on an individual and collective level. Please read on (I promise the piece is shorter this time!) and, as always, feel free to hit reply and let me know what you think or what you’d like me to reflect on in future issues. Your questions, comments, and above all, you are always welcome here.
Reflection corner
Nurturing the future with intention.
I don’t know about you but I’ve definitely been struggling with exhaustion. This makes sense to me as capitalism and colonialism keep pushing us to produce to survive and/or feel any kind of “worth”. Everyone I talk to lately has been some version of overwhelmed, tired, sick, or simply struggling in some way. I want something different for all of us, and I know I’m not alone in this desire. However, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to think about the future when we’re in this state or, if we do, it might be to dwell on a fantasy of escape, a feared apocalyptic scenario, or anything in between those two poles.
As someone with a history of community organizing, and with increasingly limited capacity, I’ve been asking myself where I should put my energy, when the demand is so high, and how I can do more than just keep the wheels spinning. There are, of course, things I have to do to keep the mortgage paid, the lights on and food on the table, and there are commitments I have already made to organizations I serve, but is there more that I could do to nurture this different future I would like for us all? A future where our bodyminds are not treated as commodities in service to capitalism and where interdependence is celebrated as part of kinship?
There are of course changes I can, and strive to, make in my individual life but where is the sweet spot where my own skills, knowledge and passion meet the needs of the collective in this moment? While there are several things I engage with to try and nurture new possibilities, like writing, teaching, speaking, facilitating ritual and healing, I have been feeling the pull towards more intentionality, more connection, more magic, more building community slowly, at a time when there is so much to tear down with our anger and grief. Don’t get me wrong, I too have so much rage and grief within me, for many reasons, and yet I have always been a builder. While I acknowledge that there are so many systems to tear down, and often I participate in deconstructing those systems and cracking them open in the work that I do, I feel a strong desire to nurture the caring, connected, intentional future I still dream of.
This year I have found more questions than answers, to be honest, but I have also been nudged in a few directions, even though the destinations might not be clear yet. I have definitely been working on how to keep supporting people in developing the skills we need to be in intentional, vulnerable, connected, authentic relationships with one another, as this feels vital to the moment we’re in. As part of this work, I have also been sitting with the obstacles to developing and/or remembering these skills, such as the impact colonialism, capitalism and white supremacy culture have on our collective and individual capacity for relationality. How can we connect vulnerably and authentically with one another when we often don’t have time and space to connect with ourselves?
This has led me to think about the need to nurture alternative economic systems on a local level, like the HempLETS exchange economic system I was fortunate to participate in when I lived in the UK, as well as on a larger scale. How do we balance sustainability and accessibility under capitalism so we can live according to our values? Once more, I keep sitting with the questions, knowing that the answers are multiple and will come if I trust the wisdom of the ecosystem we’re all part of. What are the questions wandering in your thoughts right now? What does the future you long for look like? How does it taste, smell and feel? How will you nurture it? I know many of us are sitting with those questions and I am so excited to keep discovering all the different ways in which we will answer the questions and longings about the future that haunt our hearts. I am so glad to be on this journey with all of you.
Upcoming events and projects
On September 12th and 13th, if you are an MFT in Minnesota (although you can also attend if you live elsewhere), come and say hello at our annual conference for the Minnesota Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Our theme is The Joy of Connection, and we have some wonderful presentations scheduled for you! You can find out more and register here. It will be my last year as conference co-chair and Board President for MAMFT and I hope to see many of my therapist colleagues there!
In-person training on October 5th, 2024 (masks required) on the territories of the Multnomah, Wasco, Cowlitz, Kathlamet, Clackamas, Bands of Chinook, Tualatin, Kalapuya, Molalla, and many other tribal nations who made their homes along the Columbia River, currently known as Portland, Oregon (USA). This is an AASECT-approved training for therapists, counselors, and coaches hosted by Connective Therapy Collective on Working Systemically with Mixed-Orientation Relationships. You can register here! If you would like me to do something else in that geographical area, now it’s a good time to let me know and ask! Thank you.
The in-person training events (masks required) on Mi'kmaq’s territories, currently known as Nova Scotia (Canada) have been moved to the Fall! Please note the new dates below. Some of them are almost full so please sign up now if you’re interested. Thanks!
A SAR on October 22nd and 23rd, 2024 & an Advanced SAR on Kink on October 27th and 28th, 2024. Online registration & full details on both SARs can be found at: bit.ly/SARHalifax Both will provide AASECT CEs!
The Working with Neurodivergent Clients from a Disability Justice Centered Perspective workshop on October 20th, 2024 is now sold out but there is a waiting list you can join. You can find out more and join the waiting list at: bit.ly/NDHalifax
Thank you to the Queer and Trans Therapists of Nova Scotia (QTTNS) for hosting me and inviting me to do this! I have not done an in-person SAR, besides the advanced SAR at AASECT last year, since before the pandemic and this is the only in-person SAR I have planned for this year! These SAR events are very affordable, compared to usual AASECT CEs pricing, so I hope you will not miss them!
In November, I will be giving two presentations at the Systemic Family Therapy Conference in Orlando, Florida (I know, I know, it wasn’t an easy decision). On Monday November 4th, I will talk about Doing Sex Therapy with Trans, Nonbinary &/or Gender Expansive Clients and on November 5th, I will discuss How Gender Liberation Can Benefit All Families. You can find out more about the annual AAMFT Systemic Fmily Therapy Conference and register here.
The book MJ Barker and I finished co-writing last summer, How To Understand Your Relationships: a practical guide will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) on January 21st, 2025. The anthology I edited (and have 1 piece in) Trans and Disabled will also be published by JKP at that time! I have two more books in the works and some other exciting projects I am brewing so watch this space!
I got interviewed by Jessa Zimmerman for the BetterSex podcast on one of my upcoming books, How To Understand Your Relationships, you can give it a listen here, if you like!
Also, have you listened to the latest episodes of my podcast Gender Stories? It’s available wherever you listen to podcasts, including on YouTube now!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly for bookstore events or media queries, hire me through this speakers bureau, or check out my website for more information on speaking engagements: alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
A sweet, skilled and generous somatic provider and community organizer in the Twin Cities, Griffen, has just had a baby! They are a solo parent and self-employed so there’s a fundraiser organized by community to enable them to take 6 weeks of parental leave and meet some of the expenses that having a baby entails! Please donate and share with your networks if you can, thank you!
My friend and teacher, award-winning singer, percussionist and author, Alessandra Belloni, is still fundraising towards the cost of finally filming a documentary based on her best-selling book Healing Journeys with the Black Madonna (Inner Traditions | Bear and Company, 2019). Please donate if you can and share the fundraiser with your networks. Thank you! This work is so close to my heart as someone who was brought up with some of the devotional practices to the Black Madonna, especially the Black Madonna of Tindari. I traveled with Alessandra to Campania in 2022 and Sicilia in 2023 and both were transformative, healing experiences!
HEAL Palestine is a nonpolitical, nonprofit humanitarian organization with more than three decades of building programs and projects in Palestine. You can sign up for their newsletter, find out more and/or donate here.
Tay could still use your support please! He and his partner are trying to get some stability in housing, clear medical bills and secure a car to access medical appointments. If you can, please donate to their GoFundMe. They’re almost halfway there but they need your support! Thank you!
What I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
I just finished watching season 4 of The Umbrella Academy, which I believe is also the last one. Overall I enjoyed it, although I thought it was a little too short and had some plot holes. Also, content note: there is quite a bit of violence and more vomiting than I would have wished in a couple of episodes, especially since I’m emetophobic. You have been warned!
I’m getting ready to teach my first healing movement class in some time, and I am so excited that it will take place at the North Shore ballroom studio on September 23rd. I haven’t facilitated a healing movement class since the pandemic started, and I so loved the Dancing Ourselves Home series I did for People’s Movement center in Minneapolis a few years back. I hope participants will find it nourishing and supportive! The class will be called “Dancing with All Our Selves” and I will invite movers to get in touch with their own inner expansiveness.
I have been reading more memoirs and I’m taking a fabulous online class on “The Researched Memoir” with Melissa Febos through the StoryStudio. Yes, I’m planning to write a memoir at some point, although it might turn into something else, or possibly two different writing projects. I am looking forward to setting some time aside in 2025 to focus on this but, in the meantime, I am refining the structure and starting to write some pieces, whether I end up using them or not.
I’m experimenting more with selfies as a form of self-exploration and discovery and love. I have done some of this in the past but lately I have been taking some more risks by sharing photos I would not have in the past. It feels good and healing to stretch into different creative directions after having been told as a child that I wasn’t “very good” at anything artistic, including writing, and being told over and over that I wasn’t pretty or handsome at various points in my life. I’m playing with mixing poetry and selfies as well but not quite at the sharing place for this one yet. I’m sure when I’m ready some of these efforts will appear on Instagram so make sure to follow me there if you’re interested in witnessing what emerges from these experimentations.
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. If so, feel free to pass this on to a friend or, better yet, pass on the link to subscribe directly! Thank you for being here!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex