Full Moon issue #9
Hello wonderful people,
How’s your bodymind holding up right now? How’s your heart? I hope you’re feeling supported and cared for and, if not, that you can ask for what you need. I hope you’re finding a way to move through the feelings, to mobilize, to be present with yourself and others. We need each other, always. Each of us is essential and necessary. Please, if nothing else, remember that.
I know I am having my own struggle with staying compassionate towards myself and others, to remain mobilized, present, and also to rest, to take care of myself. I am experimenting with more sustainable daily rhythms, while I keep divesting from capitalism and colonialism as much as I possibly can, one tiny choice at the time. The bombardment of attacks is purposeful and, as much as I am able, I want to keep my energy focused on the world we’re trying to co-create instead. I want to give my life force to the potentiality of a more liberated future. As my beloved friend and elder Donald Engstrom-Reese has taught me, I am going to live as if the revolution has already happened! I know I can do it because I’m not alone. Many of you are right there with me, and I am grateful for each and everyone of you. Thank you for being who you are.
In practical news, there is still a tiny bit of time left to register for the upcoming online event on February 13th (yes, I moved the date so people had more time to find out) at 6pm CST (4pm PST / 7pm EST) exclusively for those who have already bought How to Understand Your Relationships. You can register here! Nobody will be turned away for lack of funds. If you would like to attend but cannot buy the book right now, just contact me and I will share the Zoom link. Also, check out MJ and I talking about our latest book in the latest episode of Gender Stories!
Please, as always, read on and feel free to hit reply to let me know what you think, or what you’d like me to reflect on in future issues. Even if I do not manage to reply, please know I read them all eventually. Your questions, comments, and, above all, YOU are always welcome here.
Reflection corner
Pleasure is the portal
Last week I went to a local Valentine’s event that the dance studio I study at was involved with. There was a big band, and I danced most of the evening. In fact, I am still a little wobbly and sore from it, but it was worth it even though I almost didn’t go initially. I knew there would be mostly cishet folks. I knew I would stand out as a nonbinary, trans masc fabulous presenting person, especially as a follower (in ballroom terms). I knew I would be overwhelmed by being in a new environment as an AuDHDer, and that it would be physically impactful as a disabled, bendy person. These are some of the reasons why I almost didn’t go. I had also spent the afternoon replying to time-sensitive emails while singing along and crying to the soundtrack of the musical Rent. What can I say. It had been a week! However, I decided to put on my cute, velvet pantsuit, throw some lipgloss on and go, because I LOVE to dance and I will keep dancing until my dying breath. Yet, there was also guilt as the night progressed and I felt the euphoria of rhythmic, connected movement across the dance floor sweeping away the nervousness, self-consciousness and fear.
The guilt came in waves. How can I be here enjoying myself when my communities are constantly under attack right now? How can I feel this much joy in my body when I’m grieving so many already lost due to the constant onslaught of systemic violence against trans, queer, disabled, immigrant, Black and Brown people? How can I share this dance floor with some of these folks who might have voted for the current regime? How can I waste my time and resources like this? It’s in moments like these that I am grateful for nearly three decades of practicing mindfulness in a number of ways. It’s in moments like these that I fall back on my practice, slow down, breathe and let the thoughts, and the guilt, rise and fall, and float by, trying not to attach myself to them, to not let them take me away from this present moment.
I tried to stay with the pleasure of it all because pleasure is the portal I need right now. As Emma Goldman stated, I too believe that “a Cause which stood for a beautiful ideal, for anarchism, for release and freedom from convention and prejudice, should [not] demand the denial of life and joy”. Better and bigger authors than me have written about the role of pleasure in activism, including adrienne maree brown in Pleasure Activism. The Politics of Feeling Good, yet it seems a good time to remember that this tension, this either/or between organizing and pleasure has been around for a long time. Even Mary of Bethany was told off for “wasting” precious oil rubbing Jesus’ feet, and he sure had something to say about that, at least according to the gospel. While I have a challenging relationship with my father as an ancestor, for reasons I won’t go into here, I am grateful for his community and political organizing when I was growing up, because I learned early on that we need both bread AND roses (as well as class solidarity)! We need beauty in our lives, as well as meaning, and connection and, of course, pleasure.
Pleasure is also different from hedonism, that is the philosophical ideal that the pursuit of the satisfaction of desire is the goal. This might seem obvious but maybe it’s not and, even if it is, my family sometimes calls me Captain Obvious for a reason! Anyway, pleasure, for me, is about aliveness, presence and beauty. Where hedonism is individual and fleeting, in my opinion, pleasure is connected, connecting, and connective. I do believe that we need to find ways to feel alive, present, connected to ourselves, the ecosystem around us, and to one another, if we’re to keep co-creating a more liberated future in the face of the global rise of fascism. Pleasure is essential because it keeps us human. Pleasure reminds us that our bodyminds are not commodities to be exploited for financial gain, even when that gain is mere survival for so many of us. We need bread AND roses. We need pleasure. We need aliveness if we’re hoping to do more than just change who is in power, if we’re trying to co-create a world where our sovereignty is within and with others, and not over others, if we believe in power-with instead of power-over.
Many mornings lately it has been challenging to get up. There’s collapse, there’s urgency, there are disasters and misery all around us. So I have been trying to slow down, to listen, to fall back on practice, because this is why we practice, as the wonderful Michelle Cassandra Johnson reminded me in one of her recent newsletters (also check out her latest book, which I cannot wait to read). We practice so we can remain present when the winds of destabilization scream all around us. For me, personally, this has meant going back to music, movement, dance, meditation, connection with mystery, eating nourishing food, drinking enough water, resting, organizing locally and nurturing as much pleasure as I can in each of these moments. Pleasure is the portal that enables me to enter into a deeper relationship with myself, and cultivating pleasure is one of the disciplines that helps me resist the constant drive for productivity under capitalism. So I let the waves of guilt just be, while I kept dancing until my knees and spine could dance no more, at least not on the ballroom floor! And then I found pleasure in resting, in dreaming, in massaging pain salve on my joints, in chatting with my family and friends, in crying while singing along to Defying Gravity in Wicked, in sitting in my favorite coffee shop and writing this while thinking of all of you out there, who are also resisting through existing (and protesting, and organizing, because we absolutely need that too). So this is my prayer right now, as we approach the complicated day that Valentine’s Day can be for so many of us:
May pleasure swell and engorge our beings until we become an unstoppable tide of collective liberation and change that cannot be denied.
events and projects
Like I wrote earlier, the book MJ Barker and I finished co-writing last summer, How To Understand Your Relationships: a practical guide, has been published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) on January 21st, 2025! The anthology I edited (and have 1 piece in) Trans and Disabled has also been published by JKP on the same day! The most helpful thing you can do for me right now is to buy them, if you can, and/or ask your local library to order them. If you’re in the so-called US, it’s helpful for me if you can buy them either through your independent bookstore or, if you’re buying them online, please do so through my bookshop.org affiliate link here. I actually get more per book from the sale of my books through the affiliate link than from the publisher! Thank you!
From March 20-22, 2025, I will be at the AAMFT Leadership Symposium co-presenting with brilliant colleagues on the the power of representation in leadership and mentorship and on governance as key to organizational change (yes, I am a governance nerd)!
I have two more books in the works and some other exciting projects I am brewing, like a Neuroqueering Online Summit organized with Dr Sophia Graham, some online courses on various aspects of relating, and a Book Club, so watch this space!
Have you listened to the latest episode of my podcast Gender Stories? It’s a wonderful conversation with my writing partner, Dr MJ Barker, about our latest book. The episode is available wherever you listen to podcasts, including on YouTube! I want to be very intentional about how I use the podcast right now so episodes might trickle in a little slower than usual. Thank you for your patience and your ongoing support of my podcast, which is now 7 years old! Doesn’t time fly?!
I am in the ongoing process of mapping out my commitments for 2025 & 2026, so if you want to collaborate or bring me to your community, please let me know!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly for bookstore events or media queries, hire me through this speakers bureau, or check out my website for more information on speaking engagements: alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
Solidarity is the only way through friends! Check out and support this mutual aid project connecting the Indigenous movement on Turtle Island to the ongoing fight for Palestinian land sovereignty.
Another project that I hope many of you will contribute to is the recently launched Project Rainbow Turtle, an Indigenous LGBTQ+ centered Mutual Aid Fund and Network.
If you feel moved to donate to trans-led organizations, given the ongoing rise of anti-trans rhetoric and legislation, check out the Transgender Law Center, which has several, amazing projects going, including an Action for Transformation Fund, as well as the Trans Justice Funding Project, which supports trans-led grassroots efforts in the so-called United States and US Territories.
If you would like to help someone more directly, please consider giving directly to my friend Tay’s fundraiser. He’s still trying to get financial stability as a Black trans, queer, disabled man in this racist, ableist and transphobic world. Please donate and/or share as able, thank you!
Please let me know if there is a fundraiser, either personal or for an organization, that you would like me to lift up in this section! Thanks!
Some things I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
I finally watched the movie Little and I cannot recommend it enough, if you haven’t watched it yet! Not only it’s funny and moving, I also found it healed a part of me that needed to cry and laugh and hold that younger, nerdy, neurodivergent me that had been bullied pretty badly in middle school by both kids and adults. Caila Marsai Martin also became the youngest Hollywood producer with this movie.
I have been using Insight Timer and Finch daily to make sure I prioritize my wellbeing, especially at the beginning and at the end of the day. I have been trying to do ten minutes of gentle movement meditation in the morning before letting the day flood in. Some days this is more effective than others, but that’s why it’s called a practice, right?
I’m listening to so much music right now and moving both my body and emotions through singing along, dancing and crying! If you would like to share favorite artists, pieces and/or songs please do so! I love discovering new music! Here’s one I discovered earlier today. I didn’t know the quote “I make my own sugar and I am my own Daddy” was from a song by Devon Cole when I found this lovely piece of art at a local craft fair last Pride (and I am sorry I do not have the name and/or card for the artist who made it)!
[ID: a rectangular piece of art leans on a bookshelf between the books “Encyclopedia of Sex and Sexuality” and “Being Bodies”. The art is three dimensional with beads spelling out the words “Be Your Own Daddy. Make Your Own Sugar”. There are beads of dinosaurs, fish scales, hearts, unicorn heads and bears around it. The background is glittery and swirly with pink, purple, and blue hues]
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. If so, feel free to pass this on to a friend or, better yet, pass on the link to subscribe directly! Thank you for being here!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex