Full Moon issue #8
Hello wonderful people,
I would like to say Happy New Year, since 2025 has just started, but, as I write this newsletter, fires are raging in Los Angeles as a consequence of the climate crisis, genocides are ongoing, and many countries, including where I live, are falling deeper into fascism. It makes it kind of hard to cheerily greet a new year, at least for me! Nevertheless, I refuse to give into despair. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments and, quite frankly, despair and anxiety are reasonable responses to the current state of affairs, but I cannot dwell there. I simply cannot afford to. There is too much at stake, not just for myself, but for my communities, my children, and our beautiful Earth. If I am part of this ecosystem, and I have some level of agency, I feel I need to choose how to use whatever limited power I have carefully and intentionally. One of the ways in which I try to do this, it’s to be rooted in my values, and to strive to align my actions with these values. The reflection in this newsletter is about one way in which we can root into our values, and that is to create a manifesto for our lives. I hope you find this helpful and, if not, that’s ok too. Part of the beauty of being human lies in our diversity, not only of identities, but also of experiences, so, as always, please take from this newsletter whatever might be useful and/or relatable, and leave the rest.
I want to make sure you know that the book MJ Barker and I finished co-writing last summer, How To Understand Your Relationships: a practical guide will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) next week on January 21st, 2025 and is available for pre-order! The anthology I edited (and have 1 piece in) Trans and Disabled will also be published by JKP at that time. The most helpful thing you can do is to pre-order them, if you can, and/or ask your local library to order them. I’m planning a little online event on February 5th at 6pm CST (4pm PST / 7pm EST) exclusively for those who have pre-ordered (or buy early) How to Understand Your Relationships. Save the date for this event and save your receipt! More information on this is to come very soon!
Please read on and feel free to hit reply to let me know what you think, or what you’d like me to reflect on in future issues. Your questions, comments, and, above all, YOU are always welcome here.
Reflection corner
What is your manifesto?
Recently, I have had the pleasure of reading Rachel Cargle’s book “A Renaissance of Our Own: A Memoir & Manifesto of Reimagining”. While the book centers her own experiences as a Black woman, I believe the points she makes are useful for anyone. I also love that she guides the reader through a process of identifying their values and writing their own manifesto. As someone who strives to live authentically, transparently, and with intention, I decided to share with y’all the manifesto I wrote while reading the book, and going through the process Rachel Cargle suggests. If you find this helpful, you might want to read the book and be guided to write your own manifesto. Or you can even decide to just go for it and write your own manifesto. Personally, I find that when I feel anxious or lack confidence in my own vision, re-reading the manifesto I recently created, gives me back some strength and inspiration. I also view this manifesto as a living document that can grow and change alongside me. The core values I identified before writing it are integrity, love and easeful abundance. I might write more about each of these values in future newsletters, if you’re interested, but, for now, here’s my current manifesto. Whether you decide to write your own manifesto or not, I hope your own compass is guiding you to where you want to go.
Alex’s Manifesto for 2025 and beyond
I am essential and so is everyone else. I honor myself, the ecosystem I’m immersed in and the network of relationships that hold me. I am learning to trust myself and to not abandon myself for others, since this doesn’t help me or them. I celebrate how I’ve not only survived but thrived in my life, so far, and I know my place within the web of life. My roots go deep into the earth while also reaching for the sky. I hold the tension of this paradox as sacred within my heart. I trust mystery as the voice within me that has guided me in the past, still guides me in the present, and that will never abandon me as long as I keep connecting and listening.
I love fiercely, shamelessly, imperfectly, honestly, and with my whole heart. I choose to nurture relationships with people who are invested in creating sustainable kinship networks rooted in love not just as a feeling but as commitment to care, growth, intimacy and mutuality. I keep learning what boundaries are necessary for me to remain in relationship with those around me and also with my own selves. I strive to be a good-enough, authentic & accountable friend, parent, neighbor, partner, healer and community member.
I believe in the revolutionary power of love as a community practice and a way to pursue justice with daily actions. I hold locations of both oppression & privilege within my bodymind. I do my best to always acknowledge the dance between them with as much integrity as I can. I strive to be and to constantly become an accomplice in the struggle for our collective liberation in all the places where I do hold privilege, and to speak the truth of my experiences in the places where I don’t.
I am grateful that learning has always been a doorway to liberation and deeper connection for me. I am committed to being a lifelong and critical learner not just inside academic classrooms, but also through all my conversations, readings, interactions and relationships. My special interest is people and all the ways in which we communicate and relate, not just to others, but also to ourselves, to the ecosystem we’re part of, to language, culture, ancestors and spirit. I strive to share any knowledge and wisdom I might gather, rather than hoard it for my own individual gain.
My work is rooted in my creativity, magic, vulnerability, earnestness, and skills as a healer. I am the instrument that, through my work, brings my values to life within my communities. I strive to be aligned with my purpose in a way that honors my dynamic needs, my connection to mystery & my gifts.
As part of the ecosystem, I too am deserving of rest as a birthright. I am attuned to my bodymind and I nurture and honor my wholeness by healing and resting as and when needed, or simply wanted. I know that I need to treat myself as compassionately and generously as I would others. I let go of my fear of visibility and feelings of unlovability so that I can be my whole, expansive, loving self and appreciate each moment of goodness, connection, creativity, healing, abundance, magic, rest and pleasure with an open heart.
It feels scary and vulnerable to share this manifesto with all of you in some ways. I asked myself questions such as, is it necessary to do so? Is it self-aggrandizing or self-absorbed? Aren’t there better things to share at this moment in time? In the end, I am taking this leap of faith knowing that I struggle with many of my declarations in this manifesto, as those of you who know me well will certainly attest. This is only meant to be an example of one way in which we can ground into our own values and beliefs. Wherever you are, and whatever you do, I hope you find your own way to keep you on your path.
events and projects
Like I wrote earlier, the book MJ Barker and I finished co-writing last summer, How To Understand Your Relationships: a practical guide will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) next week on January 21st, 2025! The anthology I edited (and have 1 piece in) Trans and Disabled will also be published by JKP at that time! The most helpful thing you can do is to pre-order them, if you can, and/or ask your local library to order them. I’m planning a little online event on February 5th at 6pm CST (4pm PST / 7pm EST) exclusively for those who have pre-ordered (or buy early) How to Understand Your Relationships. Save the date for this event and save your receipt! More information on this is to come very soon!
On February 7th, 2025, I will be presenting a workshop at Caspersen Therapy & Training Center. You can participate live online (recommended) or access the recording later. The workshop is called “We heal in relationship: The vital role of connection in the therapeutic process” and it’s a brand-new offering! You can find out more and register here.
From March 20-22, 2025, I will be at the AAMFT Leadership Symposium co-presenting with brilliant colleagues on the the power of representation in leadership and mentorship and on governance as key to organizational change (yes, I am a governance nerd)!
I have two more books in the works and some other exciting projects I am brewing, like a Neuroqueering Online Summit organized with Dr Sophia Graham, and a Book Club, so watch this space!
Have you listened to the latest episodes of my podcast Gender Stories? It’s a wonderful conversation with my dear colleague and friend Anne Mauro, sex therapist and author of the ground-breaking book The Colonization of Black Sexualities The episode is available wherever you listen to podcasts, including on YouTube! Gender Stories is on a little break at the moment but will be back soon with more episodes, including one where MJ Barker and I talk about our upcoming book!
I am still in the process of mapping out my commitments for 2025!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly for bookstore events or media queries, hire me through this speakers bureau, or check out my website for more information on speaking engagements: alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
As the fires keep burning in Los Angeles and surrounding areas, many disabled folks keep being displaced. @painedandconfused on Instagram created a spreadsheet of GoFundMe campaigns by disabled folks from these areas impacted by the fires.
If you are from this area and are impacted, you can find some resources for support here. My heart goes out to all those impacted, including one of my cousins who just lost his home in Altadena to the fires.
My friend and brilliant poet and storyteller Kit Yan is having a fundraiser to support the work they are doing with creative partner Melissa Li. Now more than ever we need brilliant trans and queer centered stories, like the ones Kit and Melissa create! Please support them here if you can and/or share the fundraiser far and wide. Let’s help them go beyond their goal!
If you feel moved to donate to trans-led organizations, given the ongoing rise of anti-trans rhetoric and legislation, check out the Transgender Law Center, which has several, amazing projects going, including an Action for Transformation Fund, as well as the Trans Justice Funding Project, which supports trans-led grassroots efforts in the so-called United States and US Territories.
HEAL Palestine is a nonpolitical, nonprofit humanitarian organization with more than three decades of building programs and projects in Palestine. You can sign up for their newsletter, find out more and/or donate here.
Please let me know if there is a fundraiser, either personal or for an organization, that you would like me to lift up in this section! Thanks!
Some things I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
I am really looking forward to finally filling out the YearCompass for 2025! I usually do this towards the end of December but this year I had a house full after my daughter graduated from college just before the winter holidays, and we all shared time and space and then helped my mom celebrate her 80th birthday! If you have never used YearCompass, I highly recommend it! It’s free, available in many languages and this will be the third year I use it to reflect on the past year and plan for the year ahead.
I loved watching the 2020 movie L'incredibile storia dell'Isola delle Rose/ Rose Island (currently available on Netflix in the so-called United States). The movie is based on a true story and it seems more timely than ever to me. I would love to know what you think if you choose to watch it!
I finally watched the documentary Will and Harper as well and enjoyed the skillful humor, storytelling, and vulnerability of it all. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised!
If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. If so, feel free to pass this on to a friend or, better yet, pass on the link to subscribe directly! Thank you for being here!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex