Full Moon issue #1
Hello wonderful people,
Alex Iantaffi here! Sorry if you haven’t heard from me in a little while. I have been wanting to get a regular email-based newsletter going for a few years now, and the time has finally come! If you are not interested in receiving this, please feel free to unsubscribe with the option at the bottom of this email. Of course, you can do this at any time, so I hope you choose to stay for a little while to evaluate whether my e-newsletter is a good fit for you. First of all, what can you expect from this e-newsletter (do people still add e- for electronic in front of things? #FeelingOld)?
It will be sent monthly, around the full moon;
It will contain the following sections:
A vulnerable- and hopefully helpful- themed reflection on whatever has been on my mind;
Upcoming events, trainings and projects I’m involved in;
A “let’s support each other” section lifting up 3-4 people and/or organizations I am donating to, and that I invite you to also donate to or spread the word about (we need each other more than ever, right?!);
A “what I am exploring in my free time” section. This might be about a new app I am trying out, or something I am reading, a podcast I am listening to or a TV series I am binge watching.
It’s an open invitation to engage with me and my content. I would love to know what is helpful, what is not, what you would like more or less of. You can reach out directly to me at alex@alexiantaffi.com to let me know all that or if you would like to collaborate in some way. Thanks!
Now that I’ve told you about my plan, let’s get this party started! Welcome to my first e-newsletter, I will try to keep the next one shorter!
Reflection corner.
What am I doing?
On navigating neurocomplexity, disability, trauma & being a marginalized person when trying to create content in this world.
What am I doing is a question I ask myself multiple times a day. Sometimes I ask myself that question because of ADHD. I started doing something, got distracted, and now I am trying to remember what I was going to do when I first got on my laptop or picked the phone up. Sometimes I ask myself that question to manage the distress of navigating a neurotypical world as an AuDHDer (someone who has both autism and ADHD). Maybe I am overwhelmed or I’m experiencing competing needs, so I ask myself that question to refocus. What am I doing right now? What is important and what feels urgent, and are they the same thing or not? I might break a task up to identify the first, smallest move towards initiating it, and then coach myself out loud through the task, if nobody else is around or if I’m around people who understand what I’m doing when I mumble to myself. I might also ask myself that question when I am experiencing brain fog, or when I am in a lot of pain because tracking during a flare up is always harder, or because I’m worried about being visible as a trans, queer, disabled, immigrant, polyamourous, witchy person in this world.
When preparing to write this first newsletter, I asked myself this question multiple times, for quite some time. What am I doing? What am I focusing on? What do I have to offer? Is this even the right time to do this, given the multiple genocides, wars and climate crisis? While the last question is very legitimate and ongoing, the previous ones were more about imposter’s syndrome. Something that many of us, especially if we have been marginalized, deal with. Of course one does not need to be marginalized to experience these imposter’s syndrome fueled thoughts. However being marginalized often means that we have experienced a lifetime, up to this point in our lives, of being often told that we’re not good enough, don’t fit in, don’t belong or should not be sharing more about ourselves and/or our perspectives. In fact, we’re often subjected to these messages every day, in a number of implicit ways within the overculture. Asking ourselves this kind of “what am I doing” question then, it's less than helpful at times and can even lead to freeze and inaction. I know it did for me, so much so, that it has taken me years to get this first issue of my monthly newsletter out!
Just like many other things though, the question “what am I doing?” is not good or bad in itself (almost like life isn’t binary, hmmm). I know that asking myself this question is incredibly supportive at times and, at other times, it can fuel shame and fear instead. Eventually, after looking at this question from many angles, when thinking about what kind of newsletter I wanted to send out into the world, more supportive answers started to flow - after dealing with all the less supportive thoughts first, of course! The simplest answer that emerged is that I am answering questions that I have been asked many times in my work: do you have a newsletter? Where can I find out more about your work? I want to learn more from you, where can I subscribe? I might have had to wade through fear of visibility, insecurities and self-doubts, but the answer was there all along. It was why I had the idea in the first place. People had been asking me. I’m doing this, just as I do many other things, because it’s at the intersection of what people in my communities seem to be asking for, and what I can and want to offer. It’s not up to me to judge whether this newsletter is helpful or not, good or not… Would the answers be even that binary anyway? It’s up to you, the readers, to decide what to keep and what to leave. So this is what I am doing. I am showing up as vulnerably and as authentically as I can. I am bringing my transparent process around healing, creativity and the magic of everyday life. I am doing what I strive to do in every area of my life. I’d love to hear what you’re doing in your life that might be scary, vulnerable, overdue or simply needed. If you would like to share, feel free to drop me an email at alex@alexiantaffi.com
Upcoming events and projects.
Virtual Keynote on “Disability Justice Principles and Neurodivergent Affirming Care in Systemic Practice” for Antioch University’s CFT Programs 3rd Annual Virtual Research and Professional Conference on Wednesday, May 1st, 2024.
Tabling with one of my partners and podcast producer, Root Holden, for my podcast Gender Stories (and maybe doing a live episode too!) at our local Trans Joy Fest in Duluth on June 9th, 2024. Come and say hello!
Four in-person training events (masks required) on Mi'kmaq’s territories, currently known as Nova Scotia (Canada):
A SAR on July 6-7, 2024.
A community event at award-winning sex shop and bookstore Venus Envy (probably on disability and sexuality) on July 10th, 2024.
A “Working with Neurodivergent Clients from a Disability Justice Centered Perspective” workshop on July 11th, 2024.
An Advanced SAR on Kink on July 13-14, 2024.
Thank you to the Queer and Trans Therapists of Nova Scotia (QTTNS) for hosting me and inviting me to do this! I have not done an in-person SAR, besides the advanced SAR on nonmonogamies at the AASECT conference last year, since before the pandemic. This is the only SAR I have planned for this year! I will let you know when registration is open and, if you would like this information before the next newsletter, follow me on Instagram @xtaffi since I will post details there too!
In-person training on October 5th, 2024 (masks required) on the territories of the Multnomah, Wasco, Cowlitz, Kathlamet, Clackamas, Bands of Chinook, Tualatin, Kalapuya, Molalla, and many other tribal nations who made their homes along the Columbia River, currently known as Portland, Oregon (USA). This is an AASECT-approved training for therapists, counselors, and coaches hosted by Connective Therapy Collective on “Working Systemically with Mixed-Orientation Relationships”. Watch this space or follow me on Instagram @xtaffi for registration details. It was supposed to happen this month but I sadly got COVID, so we had to postpone. If you would like me to do something else in that geographical area in early October, now it’s a good time to let me know and ask! Thank you.
An in-person relational intensive for couples &/or polycules on Abenaki territories, currently known as Stowe, Vermont (USA). This will take place on November 7-10, 2024 at the beautiful Sterling Forest retreat center, through my very new joint venture “Edging Hearts” with one of my partners, Natalia Holubec, LMFT. Follow us @edginghearts on Instagram. We will post information on how to apply soon.
The book MJ Barker and I finished co-writing last summer, How To Understand Your Relationships: a practical guide, will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers (JKP) on January 21st, 2025. The anthology I edited (and have a piece in), Trans and Disabled, should also be published by JKP at that time!
I have two more books in the works and some other exciting projects I am brewing so watch this space!
Would you like me to do an event at your local, independent bookstore or hire me to speak somewhere? Please contact me directly or check out my website for more information: alexiantaffi.com Thanks!
Let’s support each other!
I have four lovely people who could use your support for different reasons. Remember: we keep each other safe, healthy and creative!
Angela Callais is a wonderful therapist, committed activist, skilled birth/postpartum doula, caring community member, loving mother, friend, and healer. I’ve known Angela for several years and, lately, she has had impactful and significant health issues, with the most recent one being a double cancer diagnosis. I understand all too well what it’s like to work for yourself in a country with no universal health coverage. It’s scary! Angela has recently found out that she had to have another operation this week, which will mean more time not working. Please support her fundraiser by donating and/or spreading the word with your networks, thank you: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-angela-through-surgeries-cancer-and-full-recovery
Tay is a Black, queer, disabled trans man who I first met when the Trans Youth Support Network still existed in the Twin Cities. Tay has been facing various challenges, including being currently homeless and unable to work due to various health issues. He is applying for SSDI but, as many of you know, this is not an easy or accessible process. He could really use community support right now. His Venmo is @Tee-Crosby and his Cash App is $TCaples Please help if you can and/or ask your networks. Thank you. If you are able to provide ongoing support, that would be welcome as well!
Atlas Oggún Phoenix is a new, wonderful friend I met when being a guest on the GenderMeowster podcast. They are fundraising to produce their film, Beautiful Boi. They are an amazing artist and have some grants for this project already but need additional funds to turn this into a sustainable reality. Please support Phoenix by donating and/or spreading the word with your networks about their fundraiser, thank you. You can also see their trailer on the fundraising page: https://www.gofundme.com/f/beautiful-boi-documentary
Last but not least, for this newsletter, my friend horizon, another wonderful therapist, is helping their friend Maryam raise money to help a family leave Rafah to get to safety. This from horizon’s email: “Maryam taught me it costs about $5000-$8000 per person to leave Rafah through Egypt. You can see some of their story and humanity on my Instagram story @villagewitchtherapy or @fatbabemagic. Please please contribute if you can and help Khaleel's family get to safety. This is a small and important action we can take among other important actions to demand a sustained ceasefire and humanitarian aid in Gaza. Please share this and spread the word. Liberation is community magic; we need each other.” Please donate and/or help us spread the word, thank you: https://www.gofundme.com/f/6fqsjk-emergency-help-me-evacuate-my-family-from-gaza
What I am exploring in my free time
Please note that none of these links are sponsored. If I ever advertise something as an affiliate, I will make it very clear! Thanks!
I’ve been enjoying the free version of the app ArtWorkOut now that I have an iPad. I am very much not a visual artist but I love coloring and I have always yearned to draw, even though I was told from a very young age that I’m very bad at it! I am trying to engage in a creative activity everyday and to explore things that were taken away from me by early and unnecessary criticism. So far, I love it. What is something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t because you were told you were “bad at it”?
I’ve started playing drums!!! My dad was a drummer in his youth but gave his drums to my brother when we were younger, even though I was actively studying music (gender bias much, or simply lack of space in our tiny apartment since he didn't live with us, who knows?!). It’s obviously something I still have feelings about! Drums are an instrument I have always been drawn to, and I do play some hand drums, but being able to really go for it on my electronic drum set has been super fun and a great dopamine booster. One of the best birthday presents ever! What brings a good hit of dopamine in your life right now?
I’m re-reading Emma Goldman’s autobiography “Living My Life”. It had been a while since I first read it, and I am finding myself completely enthralled by her writing, and even more so by her life, once more. I’ve been thinking a lot about how we can imagine a new world when we’re constantly bogged down by trying to survive under capitalism, so this has been a good read to re-open my mind to possibility. We cannot co-create a liberated world if we cannot imagine it! How are you reigniting your imagination in service to liberation?
I have felt very grateful for TV while recovering from COVID this month. My brain was hit pretty hard by this bout, and all I could do was nap and watch TV for quite a while. I have binge watched The Fosters and, while it’s not a perfect show (because we’re humans and these don’t exist), it has been very enjoyable. I have been impressed with how they tackled sensitive and social justice issues in insightful and thoughtful ways. I am now getting into the spinoff Good Trouble. What are you watching or listening to in your downtime?
If you made it this far, thank you! I have written so much more than I thought I would and had such a wonderful time doing so. Thank you for being here. I hope you have found this interesting, useful or enjoyable in some way. Happy Full Moon!
Let’s keep opening our hearts to one another (with consent and when it’s safe enough to do so) and transform our perspectives together!
Alex